My seatmate on the flight to Columbus

The 55-year-old guy next to me on the plane was wearing an all-white pantssuit and white flip flops. (The first warning signs.) He said he has lost 55 lbs in 2 weeks, though he never exercises; but then he said he walked 50 miles in the last 2 days; he is on day 41 of fasting; says tap water is basic (as in a base) & very acidic so he only drinks bottled. Did I mention he is also wearing ginormous sparkly gold & silver necklaces in the shapes of a crown & a dollar sign? (We're talking Flava Flav size, here.) He's going to Columbus to meet Diane, his 44-year-old fiance, who is very well-off & owns a bed & breakfast in Middletown. He himself is an accomplished master carpenter & electrician & artist who has written over 1000 songs and makes handmade pearl jewelry. (Which he said he doesn't wear himself.) But right now he's "taking a few years off." He is from Canada. He declared a 100% chance of serendipity today and told me he has a weakness for beautiful women as we winked at me.

Ok, I admit I'm a little jealous of the bling, but am doing my best to hide this post from him (lest I get a giant dollar sign thrust into my eye) and keep my face buried deep in my copy of "To Kill A Mockingbird" in the hopes that he will STOP TALKING TO ME! Why am I a magnet for crazy?!?! Can't we ship him back to Canada??