Monday, April 30, 2012

Gypsy: 4/1/97 - 4/30/12

   I always thought I was a dog person—I never intended to get a cat. But Gypsy found me fifteen years ago and changed my mind in an instant—and changed my life for the better.
I said goodbye to her this evening. Words can't describe how much she will be missed. 
Good-bye, dear friend… Until we meet again.
   Gypsy has only been gone a few hours, but I'm already struck by how quiet the house seems (despite the noisy Shibas). My life hasn't been without a kitty since Gyp entered the picture... I've become so accustomed to having her purring next to me, to her stealing my dinner, to seeing cat hair blowing around. It hardly seems possible that she's gone, and yet at the same time, it's so painfully obvious. 
   I've shared my life with so many animals over the years, and all are very special to me, but Gypsy has always been the most special. From the second I laid eyes on her, I knew she belonged with me.
  The last 24 hours have been difficult and surreal; she has been very affectionate, sitting near me and purring. She has eaten a few treats from my hand. There were signs of hope. But she was also wobblier in her walk, she had begun to resist her fluid treatments, and last night I realized she was going blind. I would have given absolutely anything to make her better, but we had already exhausted every option. I couldn't bear to let her go too soon, before her time; nor could I bear to see her suffer. I had asked her to me know when she was ready, and she did. I had to honor that.
   In one sense it's a relief because I've been grieving for Atom, then her, these last seven months. I'm exhausted and sad. But I'd gladly keep fighting for her if it had been an option. I believe she knew that.
   I'm grateful that Gypsy had a pretty good weekend. We spent lots of time together, and she spent some time outside on the deck, soaking up the sunshine today, listening to the birds, and feeling the wind on her whiskers.
   I'm grateful that everyone at my vet's office, from my vet to the techs, to the receptionists, has been so kind and caring through Atom & Gypsy's passing. When I took her in this afternoon, they were waiting with open arms and hugs and words of comfort.
   I'm grateful that Gypsy passed away so quietly and peacefully.
   I'm grateful that Kelly was kind enough to drive me to the vet, and Madeline brought dinner for me; Mary Ann, Allyson, Michele, Joni, and Sawako offered kind words and help too—I had more offers of support than I could accept. It feels so good to be around those who have been there, and who understand this pain I'm feeling, and who care about me, and Gypsy. The emails and texts from everyone mean so much.
   It will take me forever and a day to get over losing her, but as she was leaving me, I asked her to come find me again when she's ready. I've already been immeasurably blessed for being with her once, and I believe we will meet again.