:)

Shiba Love

   My friend David questioned where HIS drawing was, after he saw the one I did for Zoey this week (David adopted Scooter from me over a year ago, and I hadn't started surprising people with these standees yet). So I mailed this to him today... Can't wait 'til he gets it!!!
   And on a side note, if you type "surprising" on an iPhone, you get... this. I could do without your creativity, Autocorrect!!!

Gypsy: 4/1/97 - 4/30/12

   I always thought I was a dog person—I never intended to get a cat. But Gypsy found me fifteen years ago and changed my mind in an instant—and changed my life for the better.

I said goodbye to her this evening. Words can't describe how much she will be missed. 

Good-bye, dear friend… Until we meet again.

   Gypsy has only been gone a few hours, but I'm already struck by how quiet the house seems (despite the noisy Shibas). My life hasn't been without a kitty since Gyp entered the picture... I've become so accustomed to having her purring next to me, to her stealing my dinner, to seeing cat hair blowing around. It hardly seems possible that she's gone, and yet at the same time, it's so painfully obvious. 

   I've shared my life with so many animals over the years, and all are very special to me, but Gypsy has always been the most special. From the second I laid eyes on her, I knew she belonged with me.

  The last 24 hours have been difficult and surreal; she has been very affectionate, sitting near me and purring. She has eaten a few treats from my hand. There were signs of hope. But she was also wobblier in her walk, she had begun to resist her fluid treatments, and last night I realized she was going blind. I would have given absolutely anything to make her better, but we had already exhausted every option. I couldn't bear to let her go too soon, before her time; nor could I bear to see her suffer. I had asked her to me know when she was ready, and she did. I had to honor that.

   In one sense it's a relief because I've been grieving for Atom, then her, these last seven months. I'm exhausted and sad. But I'd gladly keep fighting for her if it had been an option. I believe she knew that.

   I'm grateful that Gypsy had a pretty good weekend. We spent lots of time together, and she spent some time outside on the deck, soaking up the sunshine today, listening to the birds, and feeling the wind on her whiskers.

   I'm grateful that everyone at my vet's office, from my vet to the techs, to the receptionists, has been so kind and caring through Atom & Gypsy's passing. When I took her in this afternoon, they were waiting with open arms and hugs and words of comfort.

   I'm grateful that Gypsy passed away so quietly and peacefully.

   I'm grateful that Kelly was kind enough to drive me to the vet, and Madeline brought dinner for me; Mary Ann, Allyson, Michele, Joni, and Sawako offered kind words and help too—I had more offers of support than I could accept. It feels so good to be around those who have been there, and who understand this pain I'm feeling, and who care about me, and Gypsy. The emails and texts from everyone mean so much.

   It will take me forever and a day to get over losing her, but as she was leaving me, I asked her to come find me again when she's ready. I've already been immeasurably blessed for being with her once, and I believe we will meet again.

Gyppy Photography

   I've been making a point to get some good photos of Gypsy while she still looks and feels as good as possible. (Yes, even more photos than usual!) She is such a striking cat, and so dear to me, that I want to capture her spirit to, in a sense, keep her with me forever.

"Now, how would *I* know why your pink sweater is covered with black & white hair?!"

I love how she sits with her white paws together

morning sunlight

Happy Birthday, Gorgeous!

   We can't know for sure what day she was born since she was a stray kitty, but my vet made his best guess, and April 1st is the birthday I chose for her 15 years ago.
   Gypsy was 6-8 months old when I snatched her up from the freezing rain on an early, cold October morning. I had been watching her all summer, as she and a dozen other strays collected outside my first apartment, taking advantage of all the paper plates full of food that my downstairs neighbor left out for them. Despite being scrawny, dirty, and completely feral, she was the most beautiful cat I had ever seen. And somehow, from the first time I laid eyes on her, I knew she belonged with me. I had never taken in a wild cat, but I never had an ounce of doubt that I could tame her. Today it hardly seems possible that she came from such a tough start.
   I ignored her at first as she darted around my apartment, and sat on the floor to watch TV and eat my dinner. If I stood, she fled and hid. I had to move slowly, being completely silent so I wouldn't startle her. In those first couple of weeks I scarcely saw her, as she cowered in the corner under my bed, or opened the kitchen cabinet and hid behind the dishwasher. But the bowl of food was emptied every night, and the litter box was used, so I knew she was adapting.
   She used to hide at the food of my bed, under the covers, every day while I was at work. She wouldn't venture out until I came home. Slowly she began to trust me, and would slink around the perimeter of the apartment as I sat on the floor to eat, sniffing the air and becoming interested. I'll never forget the night that I had made stir fry, with steak, chicken, shrimp, and tons of fresh veggies. She quietly approached and sat next to me. She meowed. I gently placed a small piece of steak on the carpet. She sniffed it, looked at me, and meowed again. I tried again with the shrimp, then the chicken. She acted interested, but didn't eat. Then she put her front paws on my leg and stood up to reach my plate. It wasn't meat she wanted—it was the asparagus! I gave her a whole spear and she LOVED it. Wouldn't have guessed that... but Gypsy has always been full of surprises.
   From that moment on she began to get more confident. I started seeing her more. As long as I didn't force the relationship, it began to blossom. When my Mom came to visit, Gypsy warmed up to her, and literally from that day on she has been the life of the party. I think her transformation has been just incredible!
   You're not supposed to pick favorites, but I think it's pretty obvious that she's the most special to me. It's hard to explain why, but she and I have always had a very special connection, unlike any animal I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. Part of the bond was forged through the work I put into taming her, and she has repaid me with affection every day of her life. She makes me smile, has made me laugh a million times.
   Today she's making me cry a whole lot because I can't even fathom what life will be like without her. She has taught me a lot. The lesson I appreciate most is that sometimes there is something you just know, even if it can't be explained. And you have to hold fast to it, and nurture it. And if you continue to believe, it can turn into something more wonderful than you could ever imagine.


   I'm getting ready to take her back to the vet for more fluids. I'm hoping I can keep her happy and comfortable for as long as possible, and I will let her go when the time is right. A piece of me will be going with her. Happy birthday, Love.

Hamming It Up

Mmm... Hamm...

   Still playing catch-up, just into season 3.

And I love to love the man I love to hate, Don Draper.

Bring me the head of Tay

   Joni came by this morning, having graciously offered to be my airport ride, since I'm a gimp. And no sooner did she sit down than she had a lap full o' Shiba love. I think Mr.Tay has a crush on her, the goddess of border collies. (And he looks like a disembodied head in this photo!)

My Furry Soulmate

   Gypsy has always had an extra-super-special bond with me. I love all my pets of course, but I can't even begin to imagine loving anything more than my Gyp. I'm going to spend every day praying that she's with me as long as possible, and cuddling her and spoiling her like every pet deserves to be.
   I feel sorry for people who never allow themselves to experience this kind of bond with their pets. I am lucky to come home every day to my zoo; Gypsy jumps in my lap, and I lead the dogs in a group howling session. Crazy? Maybe. Happy? Absolutely. :)

Italian Lesson: Sprezzatura

   Okay, I'll admit it. I watch The Bachelor/The Bachelorette reality show on TV. And I consider it to be a very guilty pleasure, because it usually has so little redeeming value. (Other than the hilarity that ensues every Monday night as I enjoy it with John, Michele, Maureen and a stack of Spin! pizzas. We're very, very good at making fun of it.)

   But this last season surprised me a little bit; there was a male contestant, Ames, who maybe wasn't the best-looking (our nickname for him was "Superface" for his weirdly chiseled superhero features). But Ames had to be the most genuine, smartest, and sweetest man ever on the show. And in one of the final episodes he mentioned the Italian principle of romance called "sprezzatura." I'd never heard of it, so it intrigued me enough to look it up.

   Here's what Wikipedia says:

   Sprezzatura (Italian pronunciation: [sprettsaˈtura]) is an Italian word originating from Baldassare Castiglione’s The Book of the Courtier, where it is defined by the author as “a certain nonchalance, so as to conceal all art and make whatever one does or says appear to be without effort and almost without any thought about it.” It is the ability of the courtier to display “an easy facility in accomplishing difficult actions which hides the conscious effort that went into them.” Sprezzatura has also been described “as a form of defensive irony: the ability to disguise what one really desires, feels, thinks, and means or intends behind a mask of apparent reticence and nonchalance.” The word has entered the English language; the Oxford English Dictionary defines it as "studied carelessness."

   So it actually can be applied more broadly than romance, and Wiki goes on to say that sprezzatura is a necessary component for glamour. There are both positive and negative connotations to the term. I'm guessing that most films, songs, books, whatever that we are most drawn to, is due to the artists' mastery that allows us to be completely drawn into them to a point where the work feels natural and effortless, when in fact if you are aware of that and dissect them, you see endless evidence that most everything was intentionally and skillfully executed.

   I believe that I've been successful in achieving this principle (at least some of the time) in my drawings. When inspiration strikes me, I can usually sketch out something fairly quickly and without appearing to have expended much effort. If anything, all I give away for spectators is a grin on my face as I set to work, particularly if they're the unwitting subject and I'm about to zing them.

   Over the years I've been reasonably adept at channeling this same easy demeanor in my day job and have been commended for it. I can handle many projects and a ton of ambiguity without appearing flustered, and use that to help keep my coworkers calm (humor helps diffuse this as well).  Lately, the speed, complexity, heartache, and frustration have been building and I've lost my sprezzatura. My team talked to me about it—and thank goodness they did! So that's my new mantra. Italian is fun. Maybe I should learn some more of it...

The Gift Animals Give

  I try to catch CBS Sunday Morning every week. My Aunt, Martha, turned me onto quite a while ago, and she occasionally calls to discuss it, so we virtually watch it together. Today's show was near and dear to my heart, an entire episode about animals and what they bring to our lives.

  The most poignant excerpts of the show for me were the piece on "War Horse", the Tony Award-winning musical about the horses who served in World War I. The show stars remarkably lifelike, full-size horse puppets developed by Handspring Puppet Company in South Africa. Seeing the video from this show really made me want to go back to New York!

   They also showed the Animals in War Memorial in London, which pays tribute to the countless animals who have served and given their lives for humans with the simple and powerful inscription, "They had no choice."

   The interview with author Dean Koontz was also enlightening. He reminisced about his first dog, Trixie, a golden retriever, and said that, "One of the greatest gifts we receive from dogs is the tenderness they evoke in us." If you doubt that, tell someone you don't like their dog and see what kind of response you get!  ;)

I have a VERY similar photo of my old boy, Justin. Need to dig that up...

   In addition to the work for which he's best known, he wrote "A Big Little Life", a tribute to Trixie. He says she opened his "eyes to how much [I] started turning off the beauty of the world out of busyness." I believe that's very true, that animals force us to slow down and appreciate small moments which we might otherwise miss. He called Trixie a theophany; a entrance of God into his life. Companion animals are more than a little divine. I can't imagine coming home to an empty house every day. No matter how my day was, I have four little heartbeats eager to greet me every time I return, and that's something  you can't take for granted.

   He also said something else that I liked: "The imagination is a muscle... and the more you use it, the easier it becomes." I've always found my pets to be a source of humor and a springboard into my imagination. (Why did they do that? What are they thinking? What would they say?) As a creative person, having pets around seems to be a necessity.

   As a true pet lover, Koontz supports Canine Companions for Independence, who train dogs to help handicapped people live fuller lives. The ability to train dogs to this extent has always interested me immensely, and someday I'd like to volunteer for them in some capacity...

   The show talked about Duke University's Canine Cognition Center, which studies how canine behavior and intelligence can enrich human lives and the relationship between our species. And one of the dogs they showed when talking about canine intelligence looked more than a little familiar...

   They also showed Chaser, a border collie who lives with a researcher and knows over 1000 words—both nouns and verbs—that she has remembered for years. She knows specific names for each of her toys and can bring them, point to them, nose them, etc. Smartypants!

   Everyone who knows me knows I have a houseful of pets: the cats, Gypsy (14) and Atom (almost 13); and the dogs, Taylor (almost 5) and Aki (4). One of the great tragedies of companion animals is that their lives are so short. That's why they should be treasured so thoroughly for the unique personalities that they each have. And that's a big reason why I volunteer for the Humane Society and Shiba Rescue; because every pet and every person deserve a relationship as special as this. And when you save an animal and pair them with the right person, the joy is immeasurable.

Sushi love

   Maureen came over & we went out for sushi tonight. She hadn't yet been to Edokko, and it was as if they knew it, because they outdid themselves on the presentation. (Which my Blackberry photo doesn't do justice, unfortunately.) We talked all about Maui, & then about online dating. Hey, it worked for her. Maybe someday it will work for me. I left pleasantly full and excited about the possibilities—Maui and otherwise.