Bad Surgery + Bad Typography

   I am looking forward to not being able to park here anymore. Another frustrating post-op appointment in which I sit there and writhe in pain as the surgeon presses my ankle to see if he can permanently incapacitate me, and simultaneously scratches his head because he has no f'ing idea why it still hurts.
   My other pain is from what must surely be the worst kerning job in the world. Could you seriously not get those P's and A's any closer together? Is that A allergic to that T or something?? Ouch!!!

"Fun with the boot" 3

Aki: Ah! What happened?!

Jen: My ankle is injured, so I can't walk very well.

Taylor: So we can't go to the dog park? It is no good!!!

"Fun with the boot" 2

Day 9 of my capture... and I was sick of this predicament on Day 1...

"Fun with the boot" 1

Letter to my Ankle

Dear ankle,
I am writing to request that you hurry up and heal. Just received my awesome 3L hydration pack in the mail, and my season pass is good 'til June. Surely you could stand up to a little carving and shredding on the mountain; those snowboard boots are tighter than this orthopedic boot!

Additionally, I have my rock climbing gear all picked out. I am supposed to join my friends at the end of the month for a climb. You can see the backlog you're causing. We have things to do, places to see, mountains to conquer, dear ankle!

Do what you can. Mend. It's been 8 days and I'm tired of sitting around. Surgery schmergery!

Cordially yours,
Jen

Random Hallmark Moments: Pain in the Ankle

   Day 6 was rough. Too much walking at work. This just in: Hallmark is huge!

Fun with Surgery

   I was just talking with Joni about my surgery experience and it made me remember a couple of things that happened. We've all heard horror stories where a doctor has operated on the wrong limb; and apparently they've implemented some clever ways to prevent this mistake. When the nurse first brought me back, she asked me several times which ankle required surgery. Then she sat me on a gurney and handed me a permanent marker. She told me to write my initials on the foot that they would be operating on. Once I had marked my "JR" on my right foot, she wrapped black and yellow tape around my left leg that said, "DO NOT OPERATE".
   We also talked about the vasovagal episode I had, and about the possible causes. Nervousness is an obvious one, but honestly I was SO excited and looking forward to having this surgery done, hoping it would alleviate my pain. I didn't feel nervous that day—I felt hopeful. As we talked through it, though, I realized that for me it was probably mistrust of that nurse, who would be caring for me. One of the first things she said to me that day was, "So you don't have any allergies..." and I immediately became worried that no one had bothered to read all the information that I had carefully gathered—at their request. I had submitted all my allergy and medication information days earlier, and even followed up with the receptionist to make sure they had received it, and she and I went over it together in excruciating detail. When I responded with, "No—I have a LOT of allergies! Did you not receive the information I provided?"  she seemed irritated and just said, "It's probably here in your folder."
   Given that I didn't trust her (and I think, for very good reason!), I think it's reasonable to think that having her care for me made me nervous, hence my involuntary reaction to the IV and anesthetic. The surgicenter sent a survey to me yesterday, asking about all aspects of my experience. I read through it, and waited several hours to fill it out, wanting to provide a true and thoughtful response. My feedback was glowing overall, but I was very honest about my thoughts on that nurse, how I felt she treated me, and how I didn't appreciate the snarky comments about me and eye-rolling she did when talking to Kelly. I hope that the surgicenter will address this with her and deal with it appropriately. My name was on the survey, so time will tell!

Rear Window

Aki helps me keep my foot elevated.

Taylor isn't really helping much at all.

Gypsy is ready in case I need chest compression. 

 

I feel like Jimmy Stewart in "Rear Window", except all I can see is cat.

The birds have been very active outside. Glad I filled the feeders on Tuesday!

 

So far, no murdering out there. Update later.

Hangin' on the Couch

   I am a highly impatient patient, & am terribly bored after these first three days of lying around. Tired of the pain, ready to be back in my feet and running around again. Am I healed yet???

My caretakers today: Brett, Gyp, & Ak.

Miles to go before I sleep

   There's a commercial running on TV now (for Jeep) that features this beloved poem. It has always been a favorite of mine, as it concisely describes the beauty of winter and appreciate for the quiet of the season. This year, however, we've had less than an inch of snow in KC so far, and therefore have had no snowy hiking opportunities. (It has been in the 60s again all this week!)

   So I guess the one thing I can currently relate to the poem is the feeling of eery quiet brought on by the Percoset—feeling deeply alone when it dulls my senses and forces me to lie still to avoid the intense nausea. Miles to go before I sleep, indeed! The last two nights have been tougher than I ever imagined; I wish the surgeon wouldn't have downplayed the surgery & recovery time when we first met, setting me up for false expectations. But I am sure I'm on the mend... and will be glad to arrive!

Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening
Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.


My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.


He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.


The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

— Robert Frost

T-Minus 13 hours to Surgery!

   In preparation for my ankle surgery tomorrow, I came home from work tonight and cooked for nearly three hours. I went grocery shopping on Sunday, and loaded up my fridge. And now I have a fridgeful of healthy & yummy prepared food, in case I'm not feeling up to cooking over the next few days. Homemade crab cakes, soup, salad, and a few supplements from Trader Joe's kitchen.
   Tonight's dinner combination was admittedly odd, but everything sounded so good that I wanted to try it all at once. It was still 55+ degrees when I got home, so I went outside and grilled a few huge pork steaks, with sweet & spicy Thai chili sauce. It goes great with roasted apples, mango and red onion. And I tried a new recipe, cauliflower "mac and cheese", which is much healthier than the pasta version of the dish. It didn't disappoint!
   Since I am not allowed to eat or drink *anything* after midnight, I'm facing a long 11+ hours before the procedure. So my plan is to stuff myself right up until midnight so maybe I won't feel so hungry. Hope it works.
   In any case, I have so much food in my fridge & freezer that anyone who saw it would think a family of twelve lived here. Nope, just one very tiny, very hungry person! :)

The NERVE...!!!

   Tonight, I did a 5k run to to celebrate my normal Electromyography (EMG) test this afternoon. "Celebrate" is a strong, word though, because the result was bittersweet. I didn't want nerve damage, of course, but it's just one more dead end, leaving my 20+ year-long ankle pain unexplained. Between the x-ray, MRI and EMG we've ruled out a fracture, soft tissue damage, ligament tear, and nerve damage. The only potential culprit seems to be the large cyst deep inside my ankle joint. (I know, lovely, right?)

   But back to the EMG… if you've never had one, take my advice: DON'T. Unless you like the idea of having needles stuck in you while simultaneously being shocked repeatedly and stronger in succession. It was so intensely painful that it was impossible to keep my leg from jumping off the table, and I had fantasies about jumping out the 4th story window. Anything to escape!

   This is an illustration of an actual conversation between myself and the doc:

   He laughed—hard. I laughed nervously while wincing through the pain.  When I left, I still had tell-tale pen marks all over my right leg and my lower back, and my leg was still singing as if it still contained needles and shockwaves. The run tonight helped stave that off, and the dogs enjoyed it too. It will be interesting to see what my doc says tomorrow afternoon...
   Update: nerve damage in my ankle. The bad news: Need to start a neuropathy med to see if it helps. Ugh. The good news: No surgery for now. Yay!!!