Snowbird, Day 3

   By this morning (4 am to be exact), it was clear that I had more than a cold. Richard graciously offered to take me to urgent care and to pick up my prescription, so the other three boys could get on with their day. Sinus infection confirmed, I got on my meds and debated on whether to take it easy at the condo or head to the 'bird. The decision was easy: fresh powder yesterday, and a gorgeous, sunny, bluebird day today. To the mountain!
   We arrived by 11:00 when the crowd was already thinning for lunch & the Superbowl, so I was able to get a lot of riding in. My head began to feel much better, and much to my relief, I was able to focus 100% on having fun again. By 1:00 the slopes were empty; we nearly had all the runs to ourselves. Thank you, football!!!! We rode until 4:30 when the lifts closed and made a beeline home to the beef stew we'd thrown in the crock pot this morning.
   I was thinking, as crummy as it is that I'm not feeling well, I'm well enough to ride, and THANK GOODNESS it hit me on this trip and not when I was in Roatan. Here in Draper, a great urgent care facility was 2.5 miles away, and the pharmacy next door. I could ride with a head cold. In diving, however, there would be no such luck: congestion means no diving, there was NOTHING else to do at our resort, and good luck finding urgent care on the tiny, remote island of Roatan. So I'm very grateful things worked out the way they did!

Gyppy Time

    Gypsy had several good days last week, and ate a little food Tuesday through Friday. On Saturday and Sunday, though, she started vomiting, and went off food again. She's not in pain, and still loves getting fluids, but I can tell she is having trouble getting comfortable. These days she usually doesn't want to sit on me, but still snuggles up next to me. It's comforting to feel her warm body up against me, and the low, steady rumble of her purring. She is still bright and alert and happy.
   I'm giving her hospice care; neither hastening nor prolonging her life, just providing support and giving her the best quality of life possible. She's clearly not ready to give up, but is becoming a shadow of her former self; quieter, and thin. It's so difficult to see her go through this.
   I'm realizing that in some ways, though I treasure the time I have with her, I'm in the most difficult phase of her life—for myself, emotionally. While Atom's death was heart-wrenchingly fast—only 4 days from diagnosis to his end—in some ways it was easier to take. I didn't see it coming. Gypsy was diagnosed with kidney disease the same day that Atom died, so I've basically been grieving for her ever since. I'm torn between the hope that she can overcome this for a time, and the pain of watching her decline. It is awful to be grieving for someone while they are still here, and I remind myself that she will sense this and take cues from me.

   I feel so deeply sad, but am trying to allow myself some grace. I remind myself that I've been fortunate to have been spared the loss of someone so close to me for many years. Atom was gone so quickly that I didn't have time to stop and think about it. I've lost both my grandmothers in the last few years, but never in my life did I live close to them, so although I loved them, we didn't have a tight bond. Mom has lost Bailey and Madison, her Golden Retrievers, with whom I used to live. But I was already living in Kansas City when they passed, so I was sheltered from the pain. They didn't feel like "mine" anymore—I was sad for her, not myself.

   The last time I felt such deep pain was when I had to say good-bye to Justin, another Golden, when I was in college. He was the family dog, but really he was mine—like a big, furry little brother. I grew up with him at my side. He was ten when he was diagnosed with cancer. I'll never forget that call from the vet. Justin had been dropped off for exploratory surgery, in an attempt to determine why he had been so sick for a few months. "His body is full of cancer," the vet said quietly. "What do you want us to do?"

   I knew that he was so uncomfortable that it didn't feel right to let him come home and continue to suffer. I met the vet at the office—Charlotte drove me there. Justin's tail thumped against the inside of the metal cage when he saw me. He thought he was going home. I knelt and held his big, heavy head in my lap while she gave him the injection. It was the hardest thing I'd even done. I was twenty-one.

   These intense feelings were matched when I said good-bye to Atom. He declined so rapidly, and when I went to the emergency vet to visit him (he was on an IV for the weekend, to see if he'd respond), I knew immediately that the right thing to do was to let him go. He looked miserable. Yet, almost imperceptibly, he lifted his head and purred when he felt my hand stroking his face. His nose twitched. He knew it was me, coming to say good-bye, and he was glad I was with him.

   Gypsy will be the hardest yet; she has been with me longer than any animal, and we've had the tightest bond. It's hard to even describe how close I feel to her. I can't imagine life without her.

   No matter how long our pets are with us, whether it's one year or twenty-five, it's never long enough. And there's really no way to prepare for the big hole that they leave in your heart when you lose them. No matter how difficult this is, I'm reminding myself that they all have had amazing, happy lives that I have helped provide for them. They are the family that you get to choose. And my life is immeasurably better because of them.

The DC Disaster

   News story this morning: A local student band went on a trip to NYC. On their last night, they ate dinner at an Italian restaurant before boarding their buses to come home. And shortly thereafter, thirty-five of them got sick on the bus & had to spend the night at a hospital in Pennsylvania: food poisoning and dehydration.   This was a total case of deja vu for me. My 8th grade class took a bus trip to Washington DC. We spent several days visiting the Smithsonian, the Lincoln Memorial, Arlington National Cemetery, the Washington Monument, the Jefferson Memorial, the Capitol building, and the National Gallery of Art, among others. It was a fantastic trip.
   On the last night, we ate Italian food at the restaurant in the hotel, boarded the buses, and settled in for sleeping the hours away as we headed home. It was supposed to be peaceful. But somewhere in Virginia, everyones' stomachs went south, and we made an unscheduled stop at an emergency room. I was one of the unlucky ones with stomach cramps and vomiting. One of my friends, Amy, started to suffer from hypoglycemia, and John, who was diabetic, began to have seizures. As they were seated in the row right behind me, it was really scary. We too were diagnosed with food poisoning and dehydration. Imagine an emergency room full of exhausted, sick eighth graders in the middle of the night. Eventually we were evaluated, treated, and were returned to the bus.
   Of course, I was in eighth grade well before the invention of cell phones, so parents, expecting us to arrive back at the school at 6 or 7 am, learned through a series of calls that we would be delayed. They were excited when we finally returned several hours behind schedule, and we were very glad to be home!
   Soon after, one of the parents came up with a fundraiser idea: she sold bright gold shirts with big blue letters that said, "I survived the DC disaster!" I had mine for years. Kind of wondering if it's still somewhere in Mom's house. My heart goes out to this band, as I know all too well what that experience was like!

There must be a secret

   There must be a secret cat law that says all vomiting must occur in the 4 o'clock hour... Two mornings in a row. (And little do I know it, but tomorrow will make three.) Sigh.

Happy to be Annoyed

Paws off my pizza, lady!

   I've never been so happy to have Gyp climbing over me to steal my food (in this case, Spin Pizza... With Italian sausage, Granny Smith apples and candied pecans. Not exactly what you'd expect a cat to beg for!)
   She is doing a bit better this morning, after having to have two more teeth extracted yesterday. (Due to cavities and an abscess. She has very few teeth left at this point. The anesthetic hit her really hard; she was having trouble recovering from it, and even 24+ hours after the procedure is having some trouble getting around.

   But for the first time in a week, she wanted to eat and actually ate a decent amount of chicken baby food, canned k/d, and some freshly-cooked turkey breast that my angel, Mary Ann, brought over today. She surprised me by showing up with a bunch of turkey that she bought just for Gypsy, and presents for all of us. Incredibly thoughtful and kind... she really made me count my blessings today!

Really enjoying the turkey!!!

   Gypsy has been with me for 15 years & counting, and I'm sure hoping we'll get several more great years together! Honestly, when it comes to Christmas and my birthday, having her happy and healthy would be the best and most cherished gift I could ever ask for. Keep your fingers crossed for us!

   — Jen & The Gyp

Snoozing after a good meal

Worrisome Week...

   It has been a long, tiring week. Miss Gypsy has been sick, vomiting every day between the hours of 2 and 4 am, and sometimes while I'm at work, too. I'm very concerned about her, and about keeping her healthy and staving off the kidney disease as long as possible. I've been uneasy ever since I found out she was sick—the very night I had to say good-bye to Atom for the same illness. But overall she has seemed well. She has lost 1/4 of her body weight this year, but otherwise is her perky, friendly, outgoing, bright, talkative self. Her body may be sick, but her spirit is alive and well. Her eyes are bright... And she never takes them off of me. Nearly every moment that I'm home, she's right beside me. And so far, thank goodness, she loves the prescription diet and clamors for more.

   This morning I thought of Atom, and started remembering our final moments together. How extremely sick and weak he looked, but despite that, how loudly and contentedly he purred when I reached in to stroke his face. Remembering that was more than I could take and I burst into tears again. I feel like he was telling me it was okay, and that he was ready to leave. But I worry that he suffered and am devastated that I couldn't do anything to help him.

   I looked over and Gypsy was perched on the toilet, as she does every day, watching me brush my teeth and apply my makeup. She raised her paw and shook it, meowing, like a perfect 招き猫 - maneki neko. It is more than I can take, to imagine losing her... She has been my constant companion for over 14 years. All I can do is hope that her years of beckoning for my attention will beckon some luck to us as well. がんばって、ギップシ！　元気になってください。。。

On the Mend At Last

   I've been sick with some kind of laryngitis funk all week, and am finally feeling better. Even the sushi that I enjoyed with Madeline on Tuesday didn't cure me. So tonight after a walk through Antioch park to enjoy the sunset, I whipped up a fresh, piping hot batch of carrot-ginger soup, parmesan-garlic toasts, roasted broccoli, and roasted chicken. Fresh air & good food oughta KO any germs that may be lurking in my system! And good riddance.

Atom Drawing

   My friend Dave called tonight to check in on me, and while we were chatting, I drew this cartoon Atom. It simply says, "Atom was a very good kitty."

None Too Worse For Wear

   The weather this weekend has been nicer than I can remember it being at any time in the last...3 months or so. No exaggeration. We've had such a long, hot, muggy summer, and it finally broke. 75 degrees... YEAH!!!
   Since I've been ill for over a week, I haven't had the energy to do much, so my poor pups haven't been walked in days. So I decided to take them over to Shawnee Mission Park to walk the wooded trails. The trailhead is near one corner of the lake, so I had a nice view of the fishermen, canoes, kayaks, and sailboats taking advantage of the cooler temperatures and the holiday weekend.
   Here's the thing: Shibas have a ton of energy to begin with. And they get very excited on wooded trails. And they get very, very excited to get out when they haven't had any exercise in a week. So essentially they dragged me for the first mile--a very brisk walk. And they kept pulling, so I picked up the pace to a jog, then a full-on run, following their lead. I felt like a sled being pulled by two wild dogs in a suburban Iditarod. They were totally in their element. It was exhilarating running down the narrow, sun-dappled paths, breeze blowing and the dogs head-over-heels with delight. My cough is nearly gone, and finally the sensation of taking nice, deep breaths has returned to me. Aah, fresh air.
   The problem was that these are hilly, winding, narrow, rocky, tree rooty, mountain-biking trails, so you really had to watch where you planted your feet. (You also had to watch for kamikaze guys on mountain bikes flying toward you down the trail.) We made it 2+ miles and were almost back to the start, at a full gallop, when I tripped over one of the leashes, nearly caught myself, then hit the ground--hard.
   I shook it off, but my arm didn't fare too well. As I landed it skidded across a rough tree branch whose bark was the equivalent of a cheese grater on my flesh. Tree: 1, Jen: 0. Ah, well. A small price to pay for a gorgeous afternoon in the woods!

Best. Friends. Ever.

   I was home, and sick, for the third day yesterday. I got a text from Allyson in the afternoon: "There's a bag on ur doorstep from me and scott. Feel better. XO" I opened the door to find a bag full of gorgeous, fresh flowers, and a bunch of treats: cheese & crackers, hummus & pita chips... How great are my friends? The greatest. :)
   I put the flowers in a vase with some lavender from my garden. Gorgeous, especially against the pale yellow walls in my dining room.

CooCoo for Cocoa Cookies

   I was still too sick and feverish to go in to work today, though I was feeling a little better. I've been getting a lot of work done on my trusty laptop, and have pretty much spent the last three days on the couch with no human contact.

   I definitely wasn't up to going for our usual walks, so even the dogs were bored.

   I decided that what I needed to perk myself up was to bake up a batch of chocolate-chocolate chip-mint cookies. Ben just shared the recipe with me, and I already had all of the ingredients at home.
   This turned out to be both a good and bad idea. Good because they were quick and easy to make, gave me a different activity for a little while, and I froze half the batter so it would be easy to bake up some more later. Bad because they are FREAKIN' DELICIOUS, and I first had to restrain myself from devouring all the batter, and then from devouring all the soft, warm cookies as they came out of the oven. These are the cookie equivalent to crack.*

  *Granted, I haven't actually tried crack, and don't plan to, but from what I hear, it's addictive. And crack's got nothing on these cookies!!!

Tasty

   My throat is so sore that I have to constantly be drinking. And since no one's here to stop me, I'm drinking Shatto choco milk right outta the glass bottle! Between this and the Christopher Elbow chocolates, I outta be feeling better in no time! ;)

Ruff Day

   Today seemed like any normal Monday until I got home from work. I had a long list of to-dos for tonight, but they were not to be. I walked in the kitchen door and no dogs were there to greet me, which never ever happens, so I knew something was up. As I walked into the dining room and put my laptop down, Taylor ran up the stairs to get my attention, whined, and ran back downstairs. Aki was lying on the rug by the back door. She couldn't get up.

   My beloved Aki had inexplicably lost the use of her back legs & was having strange neurological signs (darting eyes, arched back, tense abdomen, intense muscle shakes), and was vomiting. I called the vet, warned them that I was on my way, scooped up Aki and flew out the door. She was so catatonic and so quiet the whole time that I was afraid she might die in the back of my car by the time we arrived.
   I spent three hours at the vet. While I waited for Dr. Miller to perform some tests, an older lady walked in cuddling a swaddled sweet, fat, charcoal-and-white spotted kitty. His face was puffy and round, with bright yellow eyes. He seemed alert, but quiet. The woman's daughter had driven her there. I could tell by their solemn faces that they were there to say good-bye to their kitty for the last time. As soon as I realized that, I couldn't bear to think about it. Aki is only four years old. She just HAS to have lots of life left.
   A few tests and hundreds of dollars later... inconclusive. They pretty much ruled out my biggest fears: poisoning, gastrointestinal blockage, or broken back, but not knowing the cause is still disconcerting. Just yesterday morning we jogged and walked at the park, then spent the entire day in the backyard together, and she was fine.
   By the time I left the vet, she was perkier and could stand, but she has great difficulty sitting and lying down, and often falls when she tries to do so. Her back legs are barely under control. Frankly, I'm scared of what tonight might bring, so any and all thoughts and prayers are much appreciated.

A Twist of Lyme

   To follow up on a hint I made in an earlier post, something interesting (and by that I mean "bad") happened on Sunday night. I wanted to show Dave the best KC had to offer, and the weather was beautiful and the trees blooming, so of course I thought of Loose Park. We took the dogs on a walk for a couple of hours before heading to dinner + ice cream. We had a great time catching up after being out of touch all these years. It was a fun evening. The next morning was not so fun.
   As soon as I woke up I felt movement on my back. Creepy. Stumbled into the bathroom and raised my shirt to find two ticks on my back: one on the right and one on the left. They had me surrounded! I soaked them in alcohol and tried to remove them, but just pulled the body off one and couldn't reach the other. Dave was sound asleep, so I headed to work and went straight to Medical.

   The nurse called me back and I explained the situation. She had me lie down and she meticulously removed the ticks, which were burrowing under my skin. She said, "This might hurt." to which I replied, "I don't care! I want them out!!!" I was so creeped out that I didn't feel a thing. She covered the bites with Polysporin and a bandage, told me to let them know if the bites didn't heal, and sent me on my way.
   I was back first thing the next morning. I woke up with intense itching and pain and when I ran to the bathroom to check it out, I was horrified by what I saw: Large red bullseyes surrounding welts on my back where I had been bitten. I looked like someone was using my torso for target practice. When the nurse saw it, she looked up the number for the closest urgent care and I rushed over there.
   Long story short, I waited over 2 hours; liked the nurse; hated the doctor. He wanted to take a "wait and see" approach and I had to beg him for the antibiotic which my own doctor later confirmed was the correct treatment. Slightly relieved (just slightly), I returned to work.
   Dave called me a bit later to say that we noticed Taylor biting his leg, and he had a tick too. When I got home from work, I removed it. He seemed to be alright, and even days later had no redness or rash. Mine still looked gnarly a week later.
   I hope I caught it early enough to head off chronic Lyme disease. The ticks are bad this year. Check yourselves carefully!

No fun.

   Ugh. I forgot how much I hate being sick.

My head feels like it's going to explode, and not in the usual, good way, when something cool blows my mind. I can't lie down or I'm going to suffocate 'cause I'm all stopped up. You win this round, virus.
   But one of the best points of the day was when I was sketching a cartoon of myself declaring my illness in Japanese, then realized that Tressa & Nicole were cracking up over it. That might have been a tough one to explain to Mr. Hall. (It simply says, "I'm sick.")

Random Hallmark Moments: siiiiiiiiiiiiick

I woke up this morning with a terrible sore throat and NO VOICE. Awesome. Try working in a company with 4500+ people & having meetings all day & being mute. I swear no one wants my opinions this badly when I can actually offer them! So I drew this in the morning & showed it as I entered every meeting. At first I thought this might be an injury caused by extreme laughter at lunch yesterday, but it's pretty clear now that I'm actually sick.